I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
