I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
