i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
