Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
please come you make the beer taste better
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize