I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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