he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
