Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize