Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
