Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
