She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
