Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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