He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Where is the hickey?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
