She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize