you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize