I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Panties = found
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
