Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
