i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
