I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
