your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
