You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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