In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
