Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
