so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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