Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
