Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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