Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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