Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
did i walk over a car last night?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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