i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize