did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I have fence marks all over my body
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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