Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
