rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
