Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
