she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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