glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
