Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
