I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
