so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
