so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
