You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
