in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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