I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
