she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
