I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
