Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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