I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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