you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Still dying that you shit outside
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
