you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Two words: nipple clamps
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