There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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