Your face is a jimmy john
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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