you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
