summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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