Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
