My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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