Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
