I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
