I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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