you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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