Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize