all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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