At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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