non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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