I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
