i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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