Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
