Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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