last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
