he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
