Who did Billy Mays play for?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
