Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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