Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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