I'd wear matching sweaters with you
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
