sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
