I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
