sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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