he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
