it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
its not stalking. its research.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize