bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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