That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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