According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
