Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize