Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
