god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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