I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
