i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize