I want to stick my p in your. b.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
