So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
