I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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