that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
