do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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