forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
